Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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