it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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