So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
