there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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