Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
