dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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