I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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