You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
