My friends, they love my intelligence
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why do cheetos always look like penises
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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