conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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