apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
