God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
