absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
