i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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