I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want my vagina anymore.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
