I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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