Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
