Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
