i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
