Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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