By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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