Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm at about main and main street
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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