only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
