That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
