I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.