I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".