dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...