WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep