Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
