I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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