So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
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Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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