why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
