Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
