it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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