mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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