There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
