If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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