If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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