you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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