im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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