There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
