Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
