Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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