Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
