I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
