I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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