Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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