A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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