we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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