So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
