There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
