I'm going to jail i love you
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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