I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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