i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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