what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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