I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
cat food counts as protein by the way
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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