I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
