lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
