You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
