paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
