Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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