Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
