I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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