We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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