did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Shame is for Republicans.
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