There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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