WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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