Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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